Today hits different. I have come to realize my daughter will soon turn the age I was when I had her. I wanted to reflect so I started writing. This is a huge milestone. I’m not sure who will read this, but I hope whoever does knows that God does work in crazy ways. It’s not an accident you are here.

I don’t remember the details like I guess I should. Dates, times, etc. it’s all just a blur. I remember being sick with the “flu”. I was at work telling a coworker how it was weird I was sick but felt fine. That moment was the first time someone whispered the “p” word. I just thought no….that can’t be right. 

A few days passed and I couldn’t shake the feeling. I went to the one person who I knew would do what needed to be done. My grandma. She was a no bullsh*t kind of lady who after hearing me out, made a plan. This must be where I get it, ask anyone today, I love a good plan. She took me straight to the Dr…you know the rest. 

It was morning when I found out, grandma was taking me home when we spotted my mom at the bank 🤦🏻‍♀️ as much as she planned, what happened next was definitely NOT part of that plan. She whipped her little Geo Metro into Central Bank’s parking lot on North 5. I started crying immediately. I couldn’t open the door, don’t worry grandma did that for me, mom was looking at me, I still couldn’t speak, grandma did that for me too, “Congrats grandma”. I was mortified.

My mom didn’t speak to me for what seemed liked forever. Although I was grateful for my grandma, she ripped off the bandaid and got it over with. I should have asked why she did it the way she did. After all, she once stood in my mom’s shoes. This was a generational thing….a curse really. Maybe she delivered the news to my mom the way my mom did as pay back or maybe she did it the way she wanted to be told. Like I said, I never asked. I was living in my own kind of hell. The why and how seemed ridiculous in hindsight. 

I would relive all my actions over and over for the next 9 months. The complexity of teen pregnancy is overwhelming. More credit should be given to the women who come out on the other side strong, successful bada*s bosses. The mine field I roamed these past 16 years is the ultimate testimony. I went from not liking kids to being responsible for one. Let alone 3 going on 4 of them. Delay after delay, roadblocks, u-turns…it seems like it took me forever to get on with my life. 

Although I could write a book on my journey, which I might one day, remember bada** boss here, I will sum it up by saying this: No matter the circumstance, no matter the challenge, adversity, bad luck, wrong turns, bad ideas, whatever you want to call it…IT DOES NOT DEFINE YOU. Your response does, so make it a good one. 

I chose Kendall. I chose that path. I chose everything that happened to and for me. I was wrong 90% of the time. I continued to make bad choices. At one point I was measuring my success by the fact that my child was still breathing. Sometimes I still do! I say I’m successful, I say I’m a bada**…trust me how I measure that is not how you would or the next person or the next. It has nothing to do with the money I’ve made, the businesses I have/continue to build or my survival over the past 16 years, but everything to do with perspective. If you want to be successful, you must first practice it. If you want to be a bada**, you have to practice at being one. 

Years of gossip, being told I was ruining my life, being told I would succumb to the generational curse of my family, or that I would never amount to anything…🖕🏼. <— This is what it looks like to practice being a bada**. Despite the adversity, be who YOU know you can be. This will take time. It won’t happen with just a snap of a finger. You have to wake up everyday and choose to be better than the day before. You have to understand the weight of breaking curses falls on you. You now have a child looking up at you, waiting and learning from you. How do you want her/him to respond? Mine? She’s going on 17 and believe me I’m raising a strong, independent woman who will go on to break her own barriers. She takes crap from no one. She’s a little mouthy but overall speaks truth. How can I be mad at raising the best version of myself?! She’s not perfect, she just got off of being grounded for a month with no car or phone, for doing what I can only refer to as being stupid. My hope is she learned from it, how will I know? I guess time will tell. My goal is to provide a space for her to make stupid decisions. Punishment here isn’t to deter her from telling us the truth but to give her opportunities to learn from her mistakes. She knows there will be consequences but she also knows this is her safe place. I take pride in the fact she holds nothing back. She tells me things that sometimes I would be ok not knowing. She does this without pause, without fear and believe me I am grateful! When she asks for the room I give it to her, I listen, then I give my non judgmental opinion through the lens of her mom. You’ll often hear her say “my mom would kill me if I said that or did that”. It makes me laugh, I have no clue where this came from, I’ve never attempted to do any such thing. I do however put the fear of God in her. I will often say she better get right with the man upstairs because she might be seeing him sooner than she thinks. Maybe she takes it as me threatening her, it serves its purpose. If this is what she has to tell herself or what she hears every time she finds herself in a bad situation. I’m cool with it. 

Anywho, back on topic. Unfortunately, it took me 16 years to learn how to function as a parent. They never tell you as a teen mom you’re still growing up. So really you’re growing up with your child. Children raising children. I get it now. I’ve made many mistakes along the way. I’m not perfect. I often tell my kids they can just send me their therapy bills when they’re adults. 🤷🏻‍♀️ 

How ever you measure success is really up to you. If you want it to be measured by money, no one is stopping you. If you want it to be measured by the amount of good you put back into this world, go ahead. For me, it’s a combination of how I carry myself, react to situations, my personal growth, seeing my kids grow up and meeting their potential, doing good, being the kindest version of myself (people take my honesty as being mean…their problem, not mine), etc. It’s never going to be measured by one single factor. I wake up every morning smelling success for the day, whether I accomplish it or not, eh. Your path is yours to make. To all the teen moms, you’re not the first and you won’t be the last in this situation. The glass ceiling doesn’t get raised because you made a questionable decision (I won’t say mistake, give God some credit 😉) just make sure you bring your heels everyday…that glass your knocking down may damage your pedicure.

Now to the Moms of the Teen Moms:

I am in no way out of the woods of breaking our generational curse. Far from it. I trust in the principles I have planted in my children. So if it happens…I know my daughters/sons will go on to be the best version of themselves despite the road blocks. 

Trust in your parenting, trust the process and please take your time to come to terms with what is happening. As much work as God is putting into your teenager, he is putting the same work into you. His daily bread is plenty and will be forever. Pray. Rest in knowing he has you, has her/him, has this situation and will continue to provide, this is his promise. Trust me, as a far from perfect Christian, he has shown up in my life in more ways than any one person ever could! 

“Congrats, G”

-Nicole, a teen mom, college grad, business owner, now a blog writer, bada** 😉 the list will continue…